I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
