sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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