There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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