I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
