Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
