Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
