bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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