also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
