Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
