Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
