she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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