someone threw a dead crab at me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Floor bacon is actually really good
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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