Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I feel great
I just peed on a car
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
