I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
