you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
