there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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