someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
