Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
