Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Are we still banned from the library?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
