Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
