she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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