saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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