Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She needs sedatives and a leash
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
