God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
