I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
