I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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