I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
