I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
