Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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