I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
