that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
