if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
