What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
