just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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