I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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