look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
