I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
