He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
only you would photoshop your dick
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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