New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
