giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just gargled with NyQuil
is that a dick in a sweater?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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