just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
