I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hippo gnu deer
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
