Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize