Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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