I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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