At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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