I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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