last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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