my mouth tastes like poor choices
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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