I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So. Much. Porn.
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