I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
