dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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