easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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