so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
