I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
