I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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