At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
