So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think i peed on brittanys purse
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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