a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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