why didn't you poke me back
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
