my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
