We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
