I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
