At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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