addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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