Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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