you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
